A Check in by Jen Oliak and Thoughts about Growth Mindset

My birthday was yesterday. I turned 49. I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of purpose. A sharper vision for my life and what my future holds.

Last June, my world was turned upside down. Then, the trauma repeated in different ways and dug deeper almost every month for 8 months. As I’m finally starting to heal from these events, I find myself in the “What the f@#$ happened to me?” stage.

The dust has settled, and I am looking around as I get up. I thought I spent my whole life preparing to protect myself from something like this. How did it happen? How did I not see this coming? Who was I? What was I accepting as love? Who am I now? What do I need? What do I want? And who am I going to become?

And, as my friend Ben would say, “There are always two sides to a pancake.” My work is to identify my “inner child” issues I may have brought to the relationship and to work them out so I don’t bring them into my future.

Most people don’t share these types of thoughts to the world. It leaves them too vulnerable. Too open for judgement and criticism. But for those of you who have followed my blog for a while, you know that stuff doesn’t bother me. My voice is my power. And I will not hide. My life is my story. It is my right to tell it.

Since May, 2016, this blog’s intention has been to inspire over 40 women to live fully in all ways. I didn’t invest as much time here over the past few years, because my focus was on building my jewelry business. Now that Ounce of Salt Jewelry is established and I am pivoting in my personal life, I’m ready to start writing again.

I’m ready to share my healing journey as I begin anew. The last year in my 40’s, as a single mom of 2 teen boys during half the time I have custody, and as a middle-aged woman who will rebuild my life to be better than I ever imagined.

I am living out loud. And I know in doing so, other woman will find inspiration.

So, if you’re interested, sign up to get my posts in your inbox as they are published.

For today, I am revisiting a post I wrote a few years back regarding How to Master a Growth Mindset. It’s a great post. I hope you take a read and take some good tidbits to apply in your own life! I’ll be back again very soon.

August 5, 2018

7 sure ways to master a growth mindset

The way we think about ourselves and the world around us dictates EVERYTHING – so it’s important to try and master a growth mindset.

Ideally, our mindset should be evolving over time to mold us into successful “livers of life” by the time we are older. You’d think that by the time we die (or lose our sanity), we should be mindset masters, right? Logically speaking, anyway.

But as I look around at my surroundings and in the media, I wonder – does our mindset improve as we age? Why do so many people seem crazy? Why are people so angry? Why are there so many people walking around like they are wounded children in adult bodies?

Does everyone want to work on mindset? Probably not. But I do. I am continually challenging how I perceive and approach situations based on my mindset development.

I still have a long way to go, but I am in a much better place toward living with a growth mindset than I’ve ever been.

Master a growth mindset – my interest

We all have the power to change how our brains process information. Straight after undergrad, I worked in New York City at a large financial consulting firm. For seven years, I spent my time speculating, poking holes in, auditing, and tearing apart financial business plans. I was trained to be negative. Most of the time it was for large banks who wanted to find out if the company they were owed money from was viable enough to support further.

When performing an analysis or interviewing Management, we always assumed the information hid essential components about the health of the company. If, after our review, we were not able to find reasons the company would fail, we gave the company a favorable recommendation.

Those skills I developed in my 20’s served me well for all kinds of things after I stopped working, including not being at all intimidated by businessmen, successfully negotiating business transactions, and setting up my husband’s company.

Otherwise, these personality traits brought me little benefit, and I’ve worked hard in my 30s and now 40s to soften this perspective. Our brains have the power to change the way we perceive the world. The scrutinizing me still comes out more than necessary, but with much less intensity!

1. Set big goals and commit to reaching them

What is your biggest dream? Success is inevitable if you don’t give up. Whatever you want WILL happen. And If it’s important, you will make it a priority.

If your mindset is that you’ll just try things out and see what happens, your commitment isn’t real. If however, you’ve decided that you’re fully committed to accomplishing your goal no matter what, you’ll get there. You’ll persist through setbacks, challenge your excuses, and you won’t accept failure. Your mindset will get you what you want.

2. Shift into a growth mindset

People with growth mindsets believe that with effort and practice, you can improve in any area. They are more persistent in the face of challenges, more open to feedback, and quicker to bounce back from setbacks. As a result, they don’t give up and are more likely to accomplish their goals.

3. Focus on the journey as much as the destination

When you continually think about how much further you have to go, you might feel like you’ll never accomplish your goal, and be more prone to give up. However, if you can think about the things you’re learning, things you’re grateful for, or how you’re developing, you’ll give yourself many more opportunities to reinforce yourself. In turn, those moments of self-praise will serve as fuel to propel you forward.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others

Are you trying to achieve your goal so you can reach your full potential and live your best life? Then focus on your journey, not anyone else’s.

It’s easier said than done, but you have to do it. When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to have negative self-talk. Don’t overlook your small wins. You’ll use up valuable mental energy on self-criticism instead of on inspiration and pride.

5. Read more books and listen to mindset experts

Challenge yourself to read one book per month. If you’re busy, use Audible (like I do) and listen to books instead!

Some of my favorite mindset books:

Outliers By Malcolm Gladwell
Daring Greatly By Brene Brown
The Tribe of Mentors By Tim Ferris
Standing at the Edge By Joan Halifax

6. Start journaling or tracking your time

Stop keeping your feelings and thoughts bottled up inside and release them on paper. Writing will also help you deal with stress, anxiety and cope with depression.

How do you spend your days? Write down what you do each day for seven days. How much time are you wasting on things that don’t help you get closer to your goals? Free up your time.

7. Check your circle

Do you have people in your life who drain you? If your inner circle consists of friends or family who are critical or negative, take a closer look.

Connect with people who will encourage and motivate you to be better. Find people who you admire and who bring out the best in you. We are generally attracted to what we are. You are the average of the 5 people with whom you spend the most time.

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7 ways to master a growth mindset